Is Marital Therapy For You?

You might be surprised to learn that many therapists do not like doing marital counseling. Let’s think about why this is true. First, by the time most couples show up in therapy, the relationship is so damaged that a “fix” is highly unlikely. Additionally, it’s very often true that one spouse forces the other into counseling either because they want the therapist to help them get out of the relationship, or because the wife or husband has this agenda: “There’s nothing wrong with me, so if you can just fix my spouse everything will be fine.”

I guess I’m an anomaly in the therapy world because I love working with couples. Well…a disclaimer here…I love it when both partners are equally invested in improving, or saving, their relationship. So we go there first. I probe for any hidden agendas. If I find none, we are set to go on to the next level of exploration…namely, is there anything left to save?

Are there at least remaining pieces of the foundation upon which this relationship was built? (Unfortunately there are situations in which that foundation has been destroyed. In that case, it seems only right to move into divorce counseling.)

If we are to go forward at this point, I make it clear that my client is the relationship itself…not one spouse or the other.

And then the fun/work begins. I won’t give away all my secrets for healing a damaged relationship, but I will try to spark your interest. For example, did you know that there are five primary problem areas in a marriage? You’re usually dealing with issues around one or more of the following: finances, sex, children, extended family, and/or division of labor. We’ll explore all of those that apply.

Another fact that might come as a surprise is that arguing is NOT the sign of a failing relationship. What we have to look at is how you argue…and whether or not your arguments are productive or destructive.

Finally, we must look at how you communicate with each other. There are critical elements in this area. I will work to help you learn how to have a voice and a presence inside your marriage; how to express your needs, fears, and pain without attacking your partner; and how to know when to stop talking.

Together we will work on your top three issues using exciting techniques that will help you resolve all future problems. Contact me today for the help you and your partner need in order to re-contract your commitment. I am here for you…and for your relationship.